Eye exam

Today was Kate's follow up appointment with the ophthalmologist.  Since she is a preemie it is very important for her to get her eye exams but if I would have known what they were going to do, I'm not sure I could have taken her.  At first it was no big deal, we show up, sign in and they put us in an exam room.  I fill out paperwork, the nurse comes in to give Kate eye drops that dialate her pupils and tells us she'll be back in 15 minutes.  15 minutes later she comes in and gives Kate more eye drops to completely dialate her pupils and we wait another 15 minutes.  During all of this Kate is sleeping peacefully  without a care in the world.   15 minutes later the nurse comes back to give us a cliff notes run down of what is about to happen and advises that we can stay if we want or we can leave the room because some parents get weak in the knees....WHAT!!??  She proceeds to tell us that "babies really don't like this part and Kate will be no different, but rest assured it will not be painful to her, she will only feel pressure.  Right now I am going to put numbing drops into her eyes and the doctor will be in shortly".   I'm thinking, "numbing drops, why does she need numbing drops for him to peer into her eyes?" Nevertheless, we do as we are told and put Kate on the exam table that has a little u-shaped pillow for her head to go in that helps keep her still.   The doctor comes in, they turn down the lights and begin.  The doctor grabs his tools and puts on his big head piece while the nurse restrains Kate and before I know it he has Kate's top and bottom eyelids pulled apart with a speculum and they are being held that way while he shines a bright light in her eye and she is screaming at the top of her lungs.  Hmmm, I don't know about you but I don't scream unless something hurts and they way her eyelids are pulled back with this medieval torture device makes me think that she is experiencing more than just pressure.  Luckily he is quick and he releases that eye and moves over to the other one for round 2, and yes, Kate is screaming bloody murder this whole time.  Finally after what felt like and eternity he was finished and I scooped up baby Kate and held her tight, she immediately stopped crying after a few minutes her pouty face went away and she relaxed again. The whole thing only took about 3 minutes total but it was heart wrenching to watch and felt like forever.  The good news is that Doc said her retinas are developing and maturing but still have a little more growing to do and this is normal in preemies.  He didn't see anything that would concern him but wants to do another follow-up exam in two months.  We'll see about that.  I scheduled the next appointment like a good little girl but am wondering which is worse: me not taking her back or me taking her back and knowingly let them torture her again?  I don't want to be a bad mom but this one is a no win huh.  Hopefully by the time two months roll by she and I will both have forgotten about this whole fiasco and I won't mind taking her back.